Nonattachment: How We Actually Let Go of Clinging & Desire

By Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
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Nonattachment is a central teaching in Buddhism, often described as the absence of craving, clinging, or grasping at experience. While this can sound abstract at first, nonattachment is not about indifference, coldness, or a refusal to love. Rather, it points to a profound freedom from the compulsive urge to hold on to what is passing, to control what cannot be controlled, or to insist that life unfold in accordance with our desires.

From the Buddhist perspective, attachment is one aspect of suffering. We suffer because we cling to things as if they were permanent, as if they belonged to us, or as if they could complete us. Nonattachment, then, is the path to release. But from a nondual perspective, the story goes even deeper: attachment only appears real because of the illusion that there is a separate “self” who desires, who clings, who suffers. When that self is seen through, attachment itself is recognized as just a thought and a sensation—not a solid reality.

This article explores both dimensions of nonattachment: how we can gradually cultivate it in daily life, and how ultimately it is discovered to have been an illusion all along.

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What Is Nonattachment?

At its heart, nonattachment is the freedom from clinging. In Buddhism, this means no longer grasping at experiences, objects, people, or ideas as if they could provide lasting security or happiness. Nonattachment is not the absence of desire altogether but the absence of being bound by desire. A thought such as “I want” may still arise, but in nonattachment it is seen simply as a passing thought, not a command that must be followed or a definition of who we are.

From a nondual perspective, nonattachment goes even deeper. Here, attachment is understood as an illusion that depends on the belief in a separate self. When there is a sense of “I,” the mind interprets thoughts like “I want” or “I need” as belonging to someone real. This makes craving feel personal, urgent, and solid. But when the illusion of self is seen through, attachment dissolves into what it always was: a fleeting thought and sensation, without an owner.

Thus, nonattachment is not a state we achieve or maintain, but a natural clarity when life is no longer filtered through the story of “me” and “mine.” It is not indifference or apathy; rather, it is openness to all that arises, without resistance or demand.

Opposite of Nonattachment: Desire as the Root of Distress

In psychology, distress often arises when there is a gap between what we want and what actually is. This gap—the tension between reality and our desires—creates frustration, disappointment, and even anxiety. Buddhism describes this dynamic as craving or clinging, the mental habit of grasping for what feels pleasurable, pushing away what feels painful, or holding tightly to ideas about who we are.

From a psychological lens, this can be seen as a natural but problematic pattern of cognitive and emotional attachment. We develop strong preferences for outcomes, identities, and sensations, and then feel unsettled when life inevitably shifts in another direction. For example, craving for pleasant experiences can lead to overindulgence or addiction; craving for stability in identity can lead to rigidity or fear of change; craving to avoid pain can lead to avoidance behaviors that only intensify suffering.

Nonattachment, then, can be understood as a healthier psychological stance toward experience. It doesn’t require suppressing emotions or erasing preferences but instead involves loosening the grip—recognizing that feelings, thoughts, and circumstances are temporary and not inherently tied to our well-being. In this sense, nonattachment aligns with psychological resilience: the ability to encounter both pleasure and pain without being defined or dominated by them.

How We Cultivate Nonattachment in Daily Life

From a practical standpoint, nonattachment develops gradually through mindfulness, self-inquiry, and wise reflection. Each time we notice craving arise, we can pause, breathe, and recognize: “This is just a thought. This is just a sensation.”

Some ways nonattachment naturally deepens include:

Mindful awareness of craving: By observing desire without acting on it, we see that it fades on its own.
Contemplating impermanence: Everything changes; nothing lasts. Remembering this helps us release our grip.
Compassion practice: Recognizing the shared suffering of clinging softens our own.
Letting go in small ways: Practicing release—whether of an expectation, a possession, or a judgment—strengthens the habit of freedom.

In early awakening, these practices can indeed be useful. However, all of these practices suggest you change your thoughts. The truth is that true nonattachment doesn't arise until you realize that thoughts are just passing bubbles that have nothing to do with you. Once you disidentify with thoughts, nonattachment happens on its own.

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The Nondual Insight on Nonattachment

While Buddhist practice emphasizes letting go of craving, the nondual perspective goes further: it questions whether there was ever anyone who was attached in the first place.

Attachment seems real because there is a belief in a separate self—a thinker behind the thoughts, a feeler behind the feelings, a doer behind the actions. When the thought “I want” arises, it appears to belong to this self. The body feels a sensation of tension, and the mind interprets it as “my desire.” Suddenly, craving feels solid, personal, and real.

But in nondual recognition, this whole structure collapses. The thought “I want” is seen as just a thought, appearing and disappearing like any other. The accompanying sensation is just a ripple of energy in the body. There is no actual “self” to whom these belong. Without the story of self, attachment is revealed to be nothing more than a fleeting misinterpretation of reality.

Radical Nonduality on Nonattachment

Some teachings, especially in radical nonduality, take this even further. They suggest that there is no process of cultivating nonattachment at all—because there is no one to become nonattached. From this view, there is simply life appearing as it does: thoughts, feelings, sensations, desires, aversions. None of it belongs to anyone, and none of it is a problem.

In this framing, even the idea of working toward nonattachment can reinforce the illusion of a self who has to achieve it. What is seen instead is that attachment was never more than an illusion. Nothing needs to be done; freedom is already what is.

This perspective can feel disorienting, especially if we are used to the gradual path of practice. But for some, it opens a radical sense of ease: there is no need to struggle against craving, because there was never anyone to have craving in the first place.

The Paradox of Nonattachment: To Let Go, We Must First Hold On

Interestingly, many traditions recognize that there is a paradox in the path to nonattachment. On the one hand, we are encouraged to cultivate awareness, to practice letting go, to deliberately loosen our grip on life. On the other hand, the ultimate realization is that there was never anyone holding on in the first place.

This means that in practice, we may need to feel our attachments fully before we can recognize their insubstantial nature. If we try to suppress or deny craving, it only grows stronger. But if we allow ourselves to feel it—to notice the thought “I want” and the bodily pull that comes with it—we can see directly that they are just passing appearances; they are not who we are.

By fully meeting attachment, its emptiness is revealed. And in that revelation, nonattachment is no longer something we do; it is simply what is.

Nonattachment and Love

One of the most common fears about nonattachment is that it will rob us of love. If we do not cling, will we not become cold, distant, and uncaring?

The truth is the opposite. Clinging actually constricts love, because it mixes affection with fear—fear of loss, fear of change, fear of being incomplete without the other. Nonattachment removes this fear, leaving love free to be what it is: open, spacious, unconditional.

In nondual seeing, love is not something a self gives or receives. It is the natural expression of life itself, prior to possession or demand. When attachment falls away, love is no longer about fulfilling personal needs. It is simply what flows when there is no resistance to what is. Other people are seen and accepted as part of the play of forms because it is obvious that they could be no different. There is no self in others that could control any of their behavior anyway.

Living with Nonattachment

How does life look when lived with nonattachment? It is not that preferences vanish or that pleasure is ignored. Instead, life becomes lighter. Desires may still arise, but they do not bind. Losses may still happen, but they do not devastate. Joy and sorrow alike flow through, without being grasped at or pushed away.

From the Buddhist view, this is the fruit of the path: a life lived with equanimity, compassion, and wisdom. From the nondual view, it is simply what life has always been, once the illusion of self is gone.

Worksheet: Deconstructing Attachment (Nondual Approach)

From the nondual view, attachment is not something solid. It is a thought (“I want,” “I need,” “This is mine”) combined with a bodily sensation (tightness, tension, craving). Use this worksheet to examine your own attachments and notice how they appear as passing thoughts and sensations—without belonging to a “self.” Download Worksheet Here.
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1. Attachment Trigger	2. Thought That Arises	3. Sensation in the Body	4. Reflection: Is this truly “me” or just a passing experience?

Tip: When you slow down to observe your attachment in this way, you may notice that what seemed solid is just a thought and a sensation—neither of which belong to a separate “you.”

Final Thoughts on Nonattachment

Nonattachment, whether approached through Buddhist practice or nondual recognition, is not about rejecting life but about being free within it. On the gradual path, we learn to see craving as transient, to loosen our grip, and to live with greater ease. Once we reach nonduality, we see that there was never any attachment to let go of in the first place—only thoughts and sensations mistaken for reality.

Both perspectives ultimately converge on the same truth: suffering ends when clinging (and resistance) ends, and clinging ends when the self is seen through. In this freedom, we discover what was always here: contentment, openness, and the simple wonder of being.

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