Existential Fear on the Awakening JourneyBy Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
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For many, this fear arises during deep awakening or spontaneous shifts in consciousness. As layers of identity, thought, and belief are stripped away, what remains is the deeply ingrained assumption that there is a permanent “me” at the center of experience. When this assumption is challenged, the psyche may respond with existential terror—a primal fear.
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✓ Learn about the four stages between awakening & enlightenment ✓ Get exercises to progress Sign up below to get our FREE eBook. What Is Existential Fear?Existential fear is the raw, visceral terror that arises when our most basic assumptions about self and existence are challenged. Unlike everyday fears—which tend to have clear objects, such as danger, loss, or uncertainty—existential fear has no external source. Instead, it points directly to the root of identity: the sense that “I exist.”
This fear often surfaces during deep moments of awakening, when the self-construct begins to dissolve. As identification with the body, mind, and even awareness itself weakens, the question of whether there is truly a “me” at all comes into view. The nervous system responds as if life itself is under threat, producing waves of dread, panic, or an overwhelming sense of annihilation. Spiritual teacher Angelo Dilullo describes this stage as existential terror, where the familiar footholds of identity are stripped away. Similarly, Buddhist teachings on the 8th fetter (asmi-mana) point to this precise misperception—the residual belief in “me.” At this level, fear is not about dying physically, but about the possibility that the self we thought we were never actually existed. Existential fear, then, is both a crisis and a gateway. It marks the confrontation with the final illusion of self, and while it can feel unbearable, it also prepares the way for a freedom that lies beyond existence and non-existence. The Awakening Journey and Existential FearThe path of awakening is often described as a movement from identification with the body and mind, to recognizing oneself as pure awareness or consciousness, and eventually to the dissolution of even that subtle identity as pure awareness or consciousness. At first, awakening can feel expansive, blissful, and liberating. But as the process deepens, it confronts the most ingrained attachment of all—the belief in any sort of separate self that exists at the core of experience. This includes the physical self, the egoic self, and even the big self, 'I Am' presence, or soul.
This confrontation with non-existence is not a philosophical curiosity. It is lived viscerally, in the body and nervous system. Many describe it as sheer terror, as though the ground of reality has been pulled away. Even seasoned meditators or those who have already had an awakening can experience trembling, panic, or overwhelming dread when this layer is revealed. Although it can be frightening, this is as a natural threshold in the journey. The self-construct resists annihilation, and fear is its final defense. The less we resist and the more we embrace the fear, the quicker it'll become obvious that fear isn't even real. Existential Terror and Loss of Self [Trigger Warning!!]Ego Death and Existential TerrorThe term ego death refers to the dissolution of the sense of being a separate, enduring self. While popular culture sometimes portrays ego death as a blissful or psychedelic experience, in reality, it can be profoundly destabilizing.
When the ego begins to unravel, the nervous system may react as though literal death is imminent. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense—the brain is wired to preserve the sense of self at all costs. To face ego death is to confront the deepest survival instinct. Existential fear is therefore a hallmark of true ego death. It is not simply a concept or idea, but a lived, embodied terror that the “I” may not exist at all. Some report that this fear feels more threatening than physical death because it cuts to the root of what we believe we are. Mistaking Initial Awakening for Ego Death It’s common for people to mistake the first glimpse of awakening for the final end of the ego. In those early moments, there can be a profound sense of freedom, spaciousness, and clarity. The usual mental chatter quiets down, and life feels radiant and unbound. Many assume that this must be ego death—the end of the separate self, or the experience of no-self. But often, this initial shift is temporary. The ego, or the deep-rooted sense of being a “me,” may recede for a time, only to return with force. Thoughts, emotions, and personal identity reassert themselves, sometimes more subtly than before and sometimes more strongly than before. This can be especially confusing because there may also be a fear barrier immediately prior in the initial awakening. These can be thought of as two layers of self dissolution, or the difference between The Dark Night of The Soul and The Dark Night of The Self. Initial awakening shows people that the self is not as solid as it seemed. Ego death, however, is far more radical—it goes beyond glimpses of freedom into the dissolution of the very idea of any sort of “me.” The Fear BarrierExistential Fear In The 8th Fetter in BuddhismBuddhism offers a precise map of awakening in the form of the ten fetters, which are progressive attachments and misperceptions that bind us to the cycle of suffering. The 8th fetter—known in Pāli as asmi-mana—is particularly relevant to the experience of existential fear.
While earlier fetters address identification with sensory desire, ill will, or attachment to form and formless states, the 8th fetter goes to the heart of identity itself. Asmi-mana is sometimes translated as “the conceit of ‘I am’,” but it's really just “the idea of me"—the concept of me. At this stage, the awakener rarely compares themselves to others, for the notion of “others” has largely dissolved. Instead, what remains is the subtle, residual sense that there is still a “me” experiencing reality—whether that me be a center, a spacious awareness, a consciousness, or other identity. Breaking through the 8th fetter means confronting this last trace of identity. And here is where existential fear naturally arises: if there is no “me” at all, then what is left? Who or what is aware? This question cannot be answered by thought—it must be lived through directly, often in the crucible of fear. Beyond the “I Am” SenseMany spiritual teachings point to the recognition “I am” or “I am awareness” as the ultimate truth. For a time, this insight is liberating, as it shifts identification from transient thoughts and emotions to the stable presence of being.
But in the deepest stages of awakening, even the “I am” sense is seen as a subtle form of identification. It is still a mental concept, still a position the mind takes. The real liberation lies beyond the claim of being anything at all—even awareness, even consciousness. Here, existential fear often surges. If I am not the body, not the mind, not even awareness, then do I exist at all? This question is not answered with logic or belief, but with direct recognition. When the mind releases its grip on needing to exist as anything, what remains is not annihilation but freedom—freedom from the compulsion to be someone, somewhere, somehow. How to Navigate Existential FearAlthough existential fear can feel overwhelming, it can also be approached with gentleness and curiosity. Several practices can help stabilize the process:
Mindful Presence When fear arises, the instinct may be to resist or escape. Instead, allow the fear to be present in the body. Notice the sensations—tightness, trembling, heat—without labeling them as good or bad. This simple act of staying present softens the resistance. Self-Inquiry Asking subtle questions can illuminate the illusion of self. For instance:
Trust in the Process Existential fear is not a mistake; it is a signpost of deep transformation. Remembering that others have walked this path and emerged on the other side can provide courage. Teachers like Angelo Dilullo, and the Buddhist maps of awakening, assure us that this is part of the natural unfolding. Compassion for the Nervous System The body may interpret ego dissolution as a life-threatening event. Offering compassion to the body—through rest, grounding practices, or even gentle touch—can help regulate the nervous system as it moves through fear. Existential Fear as a GatewayThe paradox of existential fear is that it feels like a wall, but it is in fact a doorway. The terror of non-existence is the threshold to a freedom that cannot be grasped by the mind.
When the belief in “me” dissolves, what remains is not a void of despair, but a clarity beyond existence and non-existence. Words fail here, but practitioners throughout history have testified to the peace, spaciousness, and intimacy that arises when the last knots of identity untangle. The journey through existential fear is therefore not about conquering fear, but about allowing it to reveal what lies beyond. Existential Fear Real-Life ExampleOne striking example of existential fear arises when the sense of “me” unexpectedly drops away. For some people, this can happen suddenly, even in an ordinary moment. For others, it might happen in meditation. In that instant, the familiar anchor of identity disappears, and what rushes in is wave after wave of unfiltered terror. Without the shield of a self to manage or interpret the experience, the fear is felt directly, raw and unmediated.
Yet something remarkable can happen in this openness. As the sensations of terror are fully embodied, without resistance, their nature begins to shift. What initially feels unbearable reveals itself to be inseparable from bliss—like riding a roller coaster where terror and exhilaration are two sides of the same coin. The mind’s habit of labeling one set of sensations as “fear” and another as “bliss” begins to dissolve, and it becomes clear that both are simply concepts layered on top of raw experience. In their fullness, these sensations point to their own emptiness. Fear isn’t ultimately real—it is a label the mind applies to energy moving through the body. Bliss is the same. When seen in this way, fear and bliss are revealed as identical, and both vanish into the same emptiness. Final Thoughts on Existential FearExistential fear is one of the most profound thresholds on the awakening journey. It emerges when the last traces of the self are dissolving, often described as ego death, the Dark Night of the Self, or the breaking of the 8th fetter in Buddhism.
Though terrifying, this fear is not a sign of failure but of progress. It reveals one of the deepest attachments—the belief that there is a “me” who exists at all. By staying present, practicing inquiry, and trusting the process, seekers can move through existential terror into the freedom beyond identity. In the end, existential fear is not an obstacle but a doorway. On the other side lies a liberation beyond words—the realization that the self never truly existed, and that what we are is not bound by either existence or non-existence. |
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